JustLearn. Mentoring is not making a copy of yourself. Useful guidance helps another person make better choices within their own circumstances, including choices you would not have made. This edition uses synthetic narration.

Begin with the other person's aim. A person asks for guidance and you immediately see a familiar route: the qualification you took, the role you pursued or the habits that served you. Your experience may be valuable. It is not yet clear whether the destination belongs to them.

Ask what they want, what constraints they face and what kind of help they are seeking. They may need an explanation of options rather than a recommendation. They may want feedback on an approach you have not used. Start by understanding the decision before making your biography its template.

Describe the conditions behind your advice. When sharing experience, include the context that made it useful. Which resources did you have? What opportunities were available? Which responsibilities could you set aside? A recommendation becomes easier to evaluate when its assumptions are visible.

Invite the person to identify what does not fit. Do not interpret every difference as resistance to learning. They may know something important about their circumstances that you do not. Good guidance can include a strong opinion while leaving the reasoning open enough for someone else to assess it.

Leave ownership of the choice where it belongs. A mentee does not owe you the career or life that would validate your advice. If they choose differently, ask what informed the decision. You may disagree and remain willing to help them think through the consequences.

For practice, review one piece of advice you often give. Add the circumstances in which it may not apply and one alternative worth considering. The aim is not to become so cautious that you offer nothing. It is to make your experience available as a resource rather than an instruction that carries a hidden demand for loyalty. Mentoring succeeds when the other person becomes more able to exercise judgment, including when you are absent.

A question to take with you. Am I helping this person think, or mainly helping them resemble my own path? First published by JustLearn. Read the original article at justlearn dot online.